Every relationship has its ups and downs. Arguments happen, but soon equilibrium is restored. The question is, when do you recognise that the downs are still down and that the equilibrium of your relationship is way off, and maybe has been for a long time? Here are the signs to recognise if you think you might need couples therapy.

1. You Aren’t Communicating

In fact, you’re barely speaking. Great communication is one of the most important aspects to a working relationship, and one of the hardest. If communication has deteriorated and it’s hard getting your relationship speaking productively, a therapist can help you to establish new ways of communicating with each other.

2. The Fight Never Ends

Bickering and negative communication can sometimes be difficult to recognise, especially if it has been going on for extended lengths of time. If your conversations with your partner has you feeling judged, shamed, disregarded, insecure or wanting to withdraw from the conversation then you are fighting. It may seem strange to label it so, but fighting or negative conversation does not always happen with a raised tone of voice, sometimes it’s simply in how something is said.

3. You’re Afraid to Speak Your Mind

When an issue has become too frightening to even speak up about or discuss because they get blown way out of proportion – such as sex, money, habits, etc. – a therapist can help you to identify the issues, discuss them constructively and peacefully with your partner so that they understand what you are truly saying and help you resolve them.

4. Affection is Fleeting or Manipulative

When is the last time you touched? A hug, a hand hold, a kiss, they are all important building blocks to maintaining a strong relationship. They should not be handed out when the other person needs something from you, they are not a bargaining chip. A touch should be given without calculation, without hesitation and without the fear of rejection. If you feel as though touching and affection in your relationship has deteriorated or is non-existent, counselling can help you to identify why this has happened and help you to fix it.

5. You Start Keeping Secrets

Secrets are a way to hide parts of yourself away from your partner. When secrets happen, it can be difficult to navigate a healthy relationship around them, and so it will start to deteriorate. Remaining open and honest with your partner builds trust and strong communication, all healthy tools to forming a great relationship. If you feel as though honesty is missing from your relationship, counselling can provide a safe space to open up and share what has become hidden from each other.

6. Things Could Work if He/She Just Changed

The only thing you have the ability to change is yourself. Waiting around for change in your spouse is the wrong approach and one that puts a lot of negative attention on them. Therapy can provide the tools to help each of you affect change in your habits and communication, but you each have to be willing to change yourselves not each other.

7. Little Things Feel Huge

So, he didn’t take the garbage out, or she doesn’t want drive out of her way to pick up something on the way home, or he forgot about the dinner you planned, no matter what it is it feeds into a massive argument and a huge level of resentment. Bringing things back into proportion and dealing with the actual issues at hand are some of the things that therapy can help you with. So that the next time the garbage is forgotten, you can cuddle on the couch, shrug and be content for one of you to just do it tomorrow.

Talking about your problems and maintaining open lines of communication keeps relationships strong and functioning. At CPCCPC, we understand that healthy relationships are not always easy to achieve, and that is why we are here to help.

The Gold Coast team at CPCCPC offers couples counselling services designed to break down complex relationship and personal psychological issues into manageable parts and help our clients build skills to solve their problems. By gaining a better understanding of yourself and others, you take control of your life and can give more to your partner without feeling emotionally drained.